Primary Caregiver Attachment

Our relationships with our primary caregiver (parent or guardian) can highly impact our own core beliefs, self-esteem, how we view society, how we attain information about cultural practices, and even our future relationships.

In short, our primary caregivers are in our lives as role models. Think about children having a blank slate about the world when they are born and this is where our caregivers introduce societal rules such as sharing with others, cultural practices depending on ethnic background, and even rules and ideas about family.

Children rely only on their caregivers at the early stages of life. If physical needs like changing of diaper, feeding, safety, comfort, etc are not met, it can directly and indirectly tell that child that the world in which they are in is not safe for them. If emotional needs such as soothing, positive and specific reinforcement, and kind encouragement are not provided, it can also affect the child about how they are suppose to behave. They can become confused as to what they should be doing. They can become self-conscious about their every move. They can even lose confidence in taking initiative in their life.

When both the physical and emotional needs of a child are not met by the caregiver, it can subconsciously write beliefs in the child’s mind that 1) “My needs don’t matter”, 2) “I’m worthless”, and 3) “I cannot have hope that this world is safe for me”, and even 4) “People around me or those that I first meet are not safe".

Our relationship with our caregivers are not the only things that determines our outlook on life, how we behave, and how we act in relationships. The experiences that come in life can shape our reality as well. But knowing that a great piece of our identity is shaped by what happens during our childhood can highly building your awareness and help direct how you want to move forward in life.